Reflective...

Afternoon,

As I look into the algae covered pond here in Radnor Park - I am looking back across the past year as I bead towards my 28th year. It has been a chequered and at times, squalid year for me personally. Something that has to come to an end sooner rather than later.

The way that I have allowed my depression to cloud my judgement in past months is something that on reflection confused and worried me. Is this the end game before the inevitable end of life - via some form of sadistic way. Am I allowing situations both at home and at work to ferment towards the point where the only way that I can regain some form of control is to lose it in the first instance.

That in itself would force me to ask some further uncomfortable questions - why is it that I am allowing it to happen? Is it that I feel that I am losing a form of status or respect for myself and that in a way is causing me to react in such a fashion. Is it that with the massive changes that have happened with my own job security that I feel threatened of my own personal security - financially and wellbeing.

Or perhaps it is something else: perhaps it is in my eyes that with such changes, people come and go - particularly those whom you become friends with and when they go elsewhere in future of fortune - comparing them to those who come in their place are not going to be on the same wavelength as those previously your friends. And as a direct result - such reactions are an inevitability.

As I say, difficult and brutal questions to be asking myself this weekend - and as the rain begins to fall again and the raindrops hit the pond with effortless ease - perhaps with a week off after this bank holiday, this is the time to be asking those questions.


- Posted Straight From The iPhone...